If London Were A Person: A Collaborative Twitter Creation (Or Something)

So I was walking through Kings Cross earlier, with the dust from all the roadworks blowing in my eyes, and the sound of the sirens (or the bells of London as I sometimes think of them) blaring past; getting knocked & jostled, and I was compelled to write the following Tweet:

God I hate Kings Cross. If they gave London an enema, this is where the tube would go in

This made me wonder. If Kings Cross is London’s arse (and I’d argue that it is, notwithstanding my mate’s amazing flat just round the corner), what would other areas equate to? I decided to ask the collective consciousness that is Twitter:

Ok, so if Kings Cross is where the enema would be done, what body parts would other areas of Ldn be? I feel a post coming on

So far there have been a fair few response and whilst it seems that there’s a bit of disagreement, I’ll post them all. Once they’ve finished rolling in I’ll compile my final favourites and then maybe some wonderful designer could knock up a Ldn person.

bonytoad: i like it. kentish town can be the liver. and the ladybits/manbits can be (sexual) ealing.

lyndoman: New Cross or Dalston would be the lobotomy. Chelsea the boob job.

bonytoad: the brain would be barking. the hair is obviously barnet. but what would the royal albert DLR stop be?

tomcritchlow: cockfosters. Need I say more?

At this point I thought it was best, before Stephen (bonytoad) & Tom got any smuttier, to make a small clarification:

Thanks for all the replies guys. I’m looking for metaphors rather than puns though @lyndoman Chelsea as boob job I like). Mayfair as wallet?

After this, they started coming back in:

rishil: Westminister would be a Heart with a Cyst (Boris)

dannysullivan: the tube are london’s arteries and, well, prettyclogged. the london mayor’s office, well, others have said what it resembles

dannysullivan: piccadilly for me would be the heart; westminster the brains? hamstead heath the chest?

This caused me to jump in:

ciaranj: Westminster the ego, surely? 😉

petewailes: camden would be it’s funky fedora hat

notsleepy: surely bank would be the wallet

This got me thinking again:

or the city; it sure as hell wouldn’t be the conscience – Soho would be the libido

To which the rather confusing reply was:

notsleepy: Or Earl’s Court for libido!

Maybe it’s all those Australians.

Anyway, that’s where we stand so far – I like to think that there are plenty more metaphors to be had. Saville Row as the suit? Hyde Park as the lungs? So do keep them coming, I’ll be updating this for a while.

Tube photo by Annie Mole on flickr


  1. Ah, my reply “Or Earl’s Court for libido!” was in reference to all the hookers but perhaps that is more Gloucester Road.

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